Static Electro Phobia

Let me take a minute and talk to you about one of my phobias that is very serious. I know you might think this is funny, but let me assure you that it is a real issue with me. If I see static build up I become very nervous. It all started from a job I used to have with USPS. We would get these pallets of letter boxes and sometimes it would require me to remove shrink wrap from these pallets. Often times there would be quite a bit of static build up associated with this shrink wrap. Well in case you don’t understand static electricity, let me give you an uneducated synopsis. Basically, you take on an excess of electrons. Well, you can’t carry them forever, so when you touch something metal….POP!! It hurts like the dickens! Now, back to my job…I would get popped…I would say about 15 times in any given day and especially during the winter months when the air is a little drier. These weren’t your little pops that you say “Ouch!” and then start to giggle. These were the type of pops that you could visibly see the arc. It would go through my boots, gloves, and jacket. I’m talking massive shocking going on. Some of my coworkers used to think it was funny to run up to me and pat me on the back when they knew they were charged. Arrrrrrgggggg!!! I hate static electricity.

Now why would you say this is an issue with me? Let me talk about some of the things that I get nervous about…I hold tightly to the car door when I get out with the hopes that somehow I’m grounded enough to prevent shock. I make my wife open all the freezer section doors in any grocery store. I make my mom hand me one of her cats that I want to pet, in hopes that she has handled the discharge. I refuse to take towels out of the drier. As a matter of fact, I stay away from the laundry room as much as I can.

Now, I know that sometimes it is unavoidable. Last night, I went to buy me and my wife some groceries because we were on empty. I had to get some things from the freezers. I waited until I knew it was safe (meaning no one was looking) and I would do this dance like thing in which I would try to quick touch the door with my elbow. Once I had touched it, I then would hold it tightly as if it was keeping me alive. From there, I would reach to the next door without letting go of the previous until I made it the door I needed. Can you see my problem!!! I need help. It’s not funny!! My guess is that no one knew that about me. Well, now you have it. Static Electro phobia.