Fork in the Road

Shannon and I ask for your prayers. We are facing one of the biggest decisions in our lives together up to this point. Whatever decision we make will determine quite a bit of our futures. We are literally torn between which path we should take. We are in some serious prayer. See the complication is this. We want to get our Master’s degree, but if we move back home then that is not likely an option. The school in that area does not offer the same programs. There are quite a few more details that I will not disclose, but up until last week we were certain that we were moving back home to be near friends and family, but now we are not so sure. We actually made an ad/disadvantage chart last night and if you could have seen it. They both have really good advantages along with some costly disadvantages. The decision is quite unclear. We are in constant prayer for this and we ask that you will pray as well. Shannon asked me last night "Which way are you leaning Shaheen?" I replied, "I'm not."

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Moment of Pause

I watched the sunrise this morning outside in the cool fresh air. I was listening to my nano and one of my favorite songs, Janeiro, by Solid Sessions. If you know me, then you would know that I am quite the thinker. This isn’t to be associated with being smart, merely that I spend much time in thought. I like to freeze moments in my mind. Whenever I encounter something that awes me, then I take a mental picture so to speak. I spend a few minutes not thinking about anything other than right now. I have collected an album over my time in this world and when I’m feeling down or mundane I call one up. It helps me. These pictures I capture in my head don’t only place an image in my head, but everything, everything about that moment. How I feel, what I hear, what I smell, and what I’m doing are the things I’m trying to encapsulate because in those moments I’m happy or at peace. I guess it’s a form of meditation and reflection. I recommend it. It’s kind of like in that movie Saving Private Ryan when Tom Hanks is asked to share his story about his wife and the rose bushes. He said “No, that one I save for me.” Those moments really aren’t worth telling a story because there isn’t one. It’s just a moment in time that you remember being at peace.

A couple weeks ago, one of Shannon’s friends told me that I would be the ideal type of person to get my Master’s degree. I hadn’t thought about it much but in the last 2 years I have been changing. I’m finding more and more beauty in learning. I won’t share my opinions about college because if you knew them then you would wonder why I would want to get my Master’s. I just feel it is more of a quest. Not a quest for truth. I have that. I just enjoy learning. However, it isn’t decided that I will do this. I don’t really have the money for it and I know Shannon has expressed wanting to get her Master’s way before I did. I would love for both of us to be able to do it. We should both get our PhD’s and then no matter what you did, you would have to say Dr. Matuni. Ha!! And then there were two! He he he. I’m not sure what I would get my Master’s in, but its kind of fun thinking about it. I could easily see myself as being a college professor someday, but I dunno. I might like the teenagers so much I would never leave them. Time will tell.

Ali (2001)

I don’t know if you guys saw this movie when it came out, but I watched it again the other day. My rating of the movie as a whole was good, but the reason I have chosen to blog about it is due to one thing that I really loved about it. I really loved the introduction to this movie. It’s probably one of the best I’ve seen.

The introduction is about 25 minutes long and is a short story in itself. I liked the music, the camera work, and the overall feel for it. As a matter of fact, I like to just watch the introduction and then turn it off. The intro is complete. It has setting, plot, and climax. I also think Smith did a great job portraying Ali or maybe he didn’t, but I didn’t know Ali and I like the one Smith played in the movie. I don’t mean to get into the views of Ali, just how well I feel Smith played this character. If you haven’t seen this movie, then at least watch the first 25 minutes and maybe you will find the same poetic beauty that I did.

A couple things you might not know, but I realize after watching it completely is that Levar Burton and Paul Rodriguez have roles in it. If you watch it again, look for them. They are not easy to point out.

Dilemma

I realized yesterday that most people mispronounce the word mischievous. Most people say mis chee vee us. However, if you will actually look at the word then you will see that this pronunciation is quite incorrect. Mis che vus would be the correct way to say it. So that was a little tid bit of Shaheen’s observation’s for the day. That was free of charge. I’m scared I’m turning into Shannon more every day. That’s ok, but that has nothing to do with the rest of this blog. So I will apologize for not organizing these thoughts accordingly. I guess I could have this on a separate blog, but what’s the point. Let’s get to my issue.

During this tiresome week, I realized a possible dilemma. Well, as many of you know, I’m working towards my teaching certification. Well, here is my dilemma. It occurred to me that when you google my name, then you will find any and everything on the web that there is about me. I’m not lost among all the other Shaheen Matuni’s in the world. You don’t have to search endless pages to get to me. I’m unique. (grinning) No, I’m serious. This is a problem. Eventually my student or students are going to be messing around with googling each other and they will realize or might get the idea to experiment with googling my name. Now, there isn’t anything out there that I’m worried about being bad, but how well do I want my students to know me?

In college, you can get to know the professor quite well and maybe even develop a friendship. It isn’t as important to establish the teacher-student relationship because the student is old enough to understand how that works. If not, they know that they are shelling out the bucks for the class so they better listen. Now let’s not get into a tussle about all the times, college professors stepped over those bounds or college students still couldn’t grasp this. That is irrelevant. I know that the professor can be too friendly sometimes and it might cause you to lose some reverence for them, if that was even the appropriate word there. High school is different.

I want to remain somewhat of a mystery to my students. I don’t want them knowing me like my friends do. So what do I do?? I’ve grown to enjoy bloggin. I like checking myspace.com to see how my old friends are doing. I like pwnin in xbox and pc games. Now, in and of itself, I don’t mind that my students know these things, but will I have to be diluted in what I blog about? I’m not worried about slandering other people, except the admin for the server I got banned from a while back who plays as fishndude. I don’t care for him. Now here, would be a good example. That is something that one of my students will be able to identify with. I’m not that different from my students, but I will have some knowledge to impart, some encouragement to administer, and some unforgettable experiences to be had. The most important thing I will have developed and be exhibiting is professionalism. This is not a trait most high school students have yet. The lines are blurred. How to act, when to act, when not to act. These are situational behaviors they haven’t resolved yet. So what do I do? Do I cease the blog? Do I talk about tomatoes from here on out? Do I write about educational ideas? NO!!! Its my blog, but must it die?

What affect will seeing how I interact with my friends and family have on my students?? Will this give them grounds to talk to me differently? There are some questions that students shouldn’t ask. They shouldn’t ask me to come to their house to lan, but at the same time I don’t see a problem if I kick their butts in a game of halo as long as the game is in context. Kody, Kris and I beat up on some high school kids not long ago. What if I was one of their teachers? I don’t mind them asking me about what games I like, but if we relate too well on something like a video game, would that be bad? Is any of this making sense or am I just blowin smoke? I have a strong confidence that I won’t cross any lines. I’m pretty self aware, especially in a professional environment. If any of you have worked with me, then you would find this to be true. I’m generally by the book. The student-teacher relationship is quite fragile and must be handled properly. I want them to gain confidence in my class and increase self-efficacy. (I just learned that word in psychology.) I don’t want to be a drone of a teacher. You don’t talk about how those teachers changed your life. As a matter of fact, you don’t talk about those teachers except to say, “Remember Mr. Matuni, his class put me to sleep everyday!” NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Well, I don’t have anything pressing or mind invoking to tell you. I’m mainly writing because it has been too long since I wrote last. I’ll just talk a little about my week I guess. This past week has been unproductive, but when you go and go eventually you hit one of these. However, it hasn’t been a bad week.

Last Saturday an old friend of mine got married and as Danny put it, finished off the last of us. If you look around the circle of some of my oldest friends you will find that they are all married. I married last year and Alan ties the knot last week. He did get a sweet person so my congrats to them. I would post a pic from their wedding here, but my wife lacks skillz in taking pictures. She can look good in them, but she sure can’t take ‘em.

Then Tuesday, after a very hard Geology test, Kris, Kody, and Chris who we just call C-Low came out to my apartment for a little LAN action. Over the past 5 years I have been playing halo whenever I get the chance. The chance doesn’t come too often, so I always cherish it when it does. Anywho, we had enough for 2 v 2 and all the games were good. I pwned, like I always do. He he he. Pwned is a slang word for “purely owned.” That means that I won, no contest. Well, that isn’t really completely true, Kris, Kody, C-Low, and I all have our different styles and they are all good. It was a fun time. Then the next day was Wednesday.

Shannon and I both took the day completely off so we could get to know each other again. We had a rather enjoyable time as well. We slept late, had breakfast together and then decided what we wanted to do. She was due for an oil change and I was due for an inspection so we took both our cars to the shop to get work done. I was leery about my inspection because my tires were not in good shape. Sure enough, my car failed inspection because my tires didn’t have enough tread and my windshield wipers were stripped. So I had to shell out 500 hotdogs for that. That was an expensive inspection! Then we left my car there and took her car as we went out to Chili’s. That was good! After that we went back to the apt and took a 45 minute nap. Once we got up, we did our taxes and just as we finished with that, I received a call that my car was ready. So finally to finish our day we rented Walk The Line. It was ok. I thought I was going to like more of the songs, but other than that, I think Phoenix did a good job in it.

Thursday was nothing special, but I grabbed Shannon again and took her with me to school. After my class let out, we wrapped up in blankets and watched DBU beat up on Pan Am. It was good times. Overall, it wasn’t a bad week.

Reminiscing...

I’ve been talking to quite a few old friends in the past couple of weeks thanks to resources like facebook.com and myspace.com. I have to say that life has passed by in a blink. It’s funny how you pick up with old friends right where you left off. It doesn’t seem to matter that 7 years has passed by! Seven years is a lot of life to just skip over. It got me thinking because one of the friends I was talking to the other day was telling me he had been through a lot more than he had told me in the brief time we talked. I got to thinking, oh yeah, seven years!!

I think we all have been through some things in the past 7 years. Anyways, I started remembering the good ol high school days and reflecting on what had occurred since then. It’s not uncommon to find people I knew quite intimately 7 years ago to have gotten married and have a few kids. Imagine that. Wow. How come time went so slow from 0 – 18 years of life but I just blinked over the past 7 years. There are still a few old friends that I wish I knew where they were. I google them, but to my surprise and the surprise is genuine, I find nothing resulted. How can they avoid the google gods?? Granted, most people don’t have a unique name such as mine, so you have several pages to click through to try and result in something. I joined some random sound forum last night to get a look at someone’s profile that was posting and maybe determine if this person was an old friend or not. Technology is making this world smaller, but I guess it hasn’t made it small enough.

Speaking of picking up with friends where you left off. I find this a good practice to have. Not only does it increases your memory capabilities because you have to think about the person and what is going on with them, but you seem like a better friend because you can follow up next time you meet. It makes it seem like you were thinking about them…imagine that. I’m pretty good about this. I can usually remember the last thing I did with someone and what they were going through so I know exactly what to say, but back in reference to old, old friends this practice becomes a joke. I mean, can you really pick up with someone where you left off after 7 years has passed. “So how is your mom doing? Is she still in the hospital?” Imagine that reponse. Or how about “Did you get accepted to A&M?” hahahaha…it just doesn’t seem to fit. You normally can do one of 2 things. You can re-evaluate this person and by that I mean get to know this person all over because you could be dealing with a new person if the last time you talked to them was when you were 18. The years of 18 – 25 unfold the character you are likely to assume the rest of your life and that can be quite different than who you were. I know in the past 2 years even I have changed quite a bit. The second thing you can do is to just talk about the past and refuse to evaluate the present and leave it for what it is. If you want to maintain the relationship then I suggest you reintroduce yourself and deal with the past only after a new relationship has developed or when you feel like a new one will not develop. That is by no means a black/white guide to reestablishing new relationships with old friends. That has just been an observation of mine.

God gave me an amazing memory and because of that I spend a lot of time in thought. I like to think about how I could have changed things or maybe I analyze something that had occurred and put new variables in it, like what so and so was doing while this occurred. I find that kind of fun. You should try it. I mean the sun doesn’t wait to rise when you wake up. So whether 24 hours has passed or 7 years, it is highly possible to witness other people’s lives other than your own.